I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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