You're earring is so big in my mouth
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
