Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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