We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
