I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
zippers are such a cool invention
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
