Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
