You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
