I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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