I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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