I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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