So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
