she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
