stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
