my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I think pants incapable of making pants work
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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