Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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