I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
