I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
