I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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