and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
