I didn't shave. On purpose
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just high enough for therapy.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
