apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
