Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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