im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
