so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
