So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Everyone says I win the strip club
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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