Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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