Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
