Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
