if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
