I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
