Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
