You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
