Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
