go do what you do best...puke behind churches
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
