I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Who wears a wallet chain?!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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