I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
