i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
