Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My breasts were aching with rage.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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