is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's blow job season.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
