I'm gonna have a badass scar
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
