Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
