He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
