Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
