guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
