Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
