Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
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