You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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