My nipple is on Facebook.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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