You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
What drink are we having for lunch?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
