angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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