also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
