i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
