I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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