Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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