Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
