i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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