Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
