i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
