Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
