even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
